An Awkward Black Girl’s Guide To Feeling Sexy and Confident

Thankfully, for everyday women like you and me, sexiness isn’t solely determined by the size of your waist or the perfect symmetry of your face. Looks do play a role in sexiness, but a large part of feeling confident and exuding sexiness also has to do with the aura that emanates from you. We can learn from some of the most beautiful people in the world who also happen to be extremely sexy (cue Naomi Campbell) that there’s a certain glow one has to develop in order to radiate sexiness and assuredness. The best part is that you don’t even have to be Naomi Campbell to be sexy—you can be your wonderful, awkward and quirky self. How do you get to be sexy and confident if your natural inclination is to hide from the limelight? Well, the key isn’t just about having self-love, although that’s a big component. Here are some real, practical tips to help boost your confidence and have you feel sexy, valued and worthy.

1. Pursue Your Passions And Do The Things You Love

Spending time daily doing what you love will recharge your soul, boost your confidence and keep you happy and smiling. One of my favorite hobbies is learning different languages and right now I’m currently learning Spanish, which is an extremely gorgeous, smooth-flowing language with beautiful and romantic words like “bonita”, “precioso”,“hermoso” and “linda”. The way each word rolls off the tongue has a way of boosting my confidence and making me feel sexy. For you, however, pursuing your passion may look like enrolling in a sky diving class, taking a beauty class, or stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself in a unique way.

2. Accept Your Insecurities

In our body positive society, people often give the well-intentioned advice to: learn to love your flaws. While it certainly sounds like good advice, it’s pretty hard to follow because if your imperfections weren’t flaws you wouldn’t have to learn to love them. The truth is that flaws are a real bummer and unless you experience a temporary break of insanity, you’re probably not going to fall in love with your love handles (or any other flaw) any time soon. Yet, being sexy and confident doesn’t require actually loving your flaws. It simply means acknowledging that there are parts of yourself that you don’t like and recognizing how that is normal and even expected. Instead of dwelling on your flaws or pretending they don’t exist at all, acknowledge them, accept them and move on. Accept the fact that you’re flawed and allow yourself to exist in the comforting space of imperfection.

3. Focus On The Parts Of Yourself That You Love

People who love and respect themselves and see their own worth, tend to be incredibly confident and sexy people. One of the easiest ways to build self-confidence is to focus on the parts about yourself that you absolute adore. It’s easy to focus on the parts of yourself that you’re unhappy with, but this only ends up shattering your self-esteem and causes you to forget what makes you the awesome person that you are. Whether you love your eyes, your hair or your body shape—flaunt it. Focusing on your best features gives you an extra boost of confidence and will have you feeling like a sexy badass! Practice having self-love on a daily basis by writing a list or saying affirmative mantras in the mirror or even keeping a positive diary for mood-tracking and self-care.

4. Create Your Own Black Girl Aesthetic

Not every black girl has to look the same. If you’re quirky, hipster or chic, embrace it and use it to your advantage. Whether you opt for comfortable clothes over stylish ones or you love wearing big fashion accessories and dressing to the nines every day, invest in a number of quality clothes that suit your style and make you feel good.

5. Stay Healthy

It’s pretty hard to feel confident when you don’t feel well. Unfortunately, black women are at a disproportionate risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety, as well as sexually transmitted diseases, fibroids, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and other diseases. This means we have to be extremely attentive when it comes to remaining in control of our health. Maintaining a regular exercise routine, eating healthy and spending time with people who support you and love you will keep you feeling capable, valuable and happy!

6. Pamper Yourself

I, like many other women, have trouble pampering myself. Sometimes booking that appointment at the spa or the nail salon just feels totally…unnecessary. However, slowly but surely, I’m beginning to realize that the more you pamper yourself despite the negative voices in your head, the more you will begin to see your worth and recognize how much you deserve to be pampered. I’ve come to recognize how pampering yourself—whether that means taking a bubble bath, starting a journal of daily affirmations or getting a massage—is not an option, it is a priority. It’s the vital first step in your journey towards self-love.

“Grace is a freelance writer and blogger from Canada. Her work has been featured on HerCampus, 21Ninety, Read Unwritten. She is a voracious reader, a dog-lover and a self-professed pop culture junkie. Her other hobbies include watching sappy romantic comedies, consuming too many strawberry-filled doughnuts and people-watching. Grace currently attends university, where she is working towards a Bachelor of Arts degree in English and Pre-Law.”


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